For Anthony Louis Molina, Sr.

No matter how high I get

I'll still be looking up to you

He was a short man

with thick hands

hands i felt wrapped around a belt

as he rapped my pelt to welts when i was twelve

that's old for a full out whipping

but I had punched my big sister in her face
and he had to get my mind right

my daddy was a good man

stood 5 foot 3
he was a good man who never lied to me
told me when he had to leave
and told me why
told me his whole life story before he died
the soft heft his voice stretched and hummed warm and bright
light poured from his smile

his laugh was wild,
started as a grumble and whistled into sistle
as he sang vibrato chuckles

his spirit was wild
wrapped in dignified clothes and positions
stuffed in big leather chairs and big business
presidential
and I'm reverential now
but back then I hated him
because he raised extended families and communities
but he didn't raise me
because he made money and gave scholarships
none of which he gave me
I had to make mine on my own

it wasn't till I was grown
and grateful for the independence him and mama taught me
wasn't till he took 10 in after the storm that I saw what daddy taught me
be there
wherever you are
be present
and he had been
even when I punished him
refused him the pride of my accomplishment
told him he couldn't see his youngest son graduate from yale law school
damn i was a fool
i'd cut a chunk out of my spirit to see his smile shine on mine
a dad proud of his son

he was long gone before I thanked the almighty for his golden soul
and what more can I say now that his passing is a year old
and my last living line to the divine has finished his time
as I wind on
what more can i say
thank you daddy

no matter how high I get
I'll still be looking up to you

love,

Michael Otieno

THEY SEE … THEREFORE, THEY ARE

My one year old grandson recently surprised and humored his parents when he responded to the cell phone ringing by flipping open the phone and putting it to his ear to talk. He didn’t know why the phone was ringing, heck, he couldn’t even talk! All he knew was that’s what he watched his parents do. So Dad, what is your child watching you do?

What if your child were programmed, to learn from only you?

What if they were told to close their ears, and learn only from what you do?

So what are they learning, as they watch closely the life you spend?

Are you modeling the messages which you really want to send?

How do you know if you’re sending the right message? There are no parenting or child development books that address all the situations and circumstances you’ll face as a dad. So what do you do? Where do you start? My advice … start with the end in mind. Start by asking yourself what type of person would you like your child to be? Start by asking yourself what values do you want your child to have? Then start showing your child how to be that person.

If you want your child to be healthy, then ask yourself … Does my child see me exercising regularly and eating healthy?

If you want your child to be spiritual, then ask yourself … Is my spiritual faith visible and active in front of my child?

Other messages you may want to explore are:

How do I show love/affection to my child, as well as their mother?

When faced with life’s challenges, does my child see an “oh woe is me” victim or an “I can do it” champion?

How does my child see me handle anger, disappointment and frustration?

How do I demonstrate the importance of family to my child?

Being a dad requires passion and dedication. But did you ever consider that being a dad also requires humility. Yes, I said humility, because there will be times when you should step back from your position of authority and assume the role of learner … allowing the child to take the lead and to show his developing character. As you watch and learn, you’ll be able to evaluate if your messages are being absorbed.

Dads, yours is an awesome responsibility.

Are You Prepared?!

My family and I grew up in New Orleans, Louisiana. Consequently, when the disaster we now know as Katrina washed away the city, I found myself awash in an array of confused thoughts and emotions. What will happen to the people of New Orleans? Where will they live? What will they eat? Where will they get fresh water? How will they locate family lost in the storm? Then my perspective shifted from the people of New Orleans to my own family. What would we do during a disaster? How prepared would we be? Often times, we do not think of preparing ourselves for a disaster until we are faced with one. Usually, that is too late. Most disaster experts suggest that everyone should be prepared to be self-sufficient for up to 72 hours following an emergency (i.e. water, food, and emergency supplies). I don't know about you, but my family is not prepped to do that. As a father, I believe it is my responsibility to make sure that my family is prepared to face and survive a catastrophic event. In my search for ideas and solutions, I turned to the Internet and uncovered some pretty good suggestions. Here is what I found:

A Basic Home Survival Kit
Here are some basic instructions for building a home survival kit. I know this looks like a lot of stuff to buy and store, but it's not as bad as you think. You probably have a lot of these things sitting around your house. You just need to organize it and put it in a place that is easily accessible. Once you got your supplies together, store everything in a sealed plastic trash can or container.

Here's what you will need:

• Water: One gallon per person per day. For a family of four, that’s a lot of water (12 gallons to be exact). It may not be possible to store it all (do your best). Store your water in a cool, dark area and replace it every 6 months. You may also want to purchase and pack away a water purification system (filter with built- in iodine resin treatment) for cleaning water or simply include a bottle of unscented bleach (16 drops in a gallon and you've got drinkable water). Pack some tea bags to help with the taste.
• First Aid Kit: The Red Cross sells a kit for $25. Of course, you can always build you own. Click here for information on putting together your own first aid kit. Make sure you restock medications every 12 months.
• Food: You probably have some good stuff in your pantry: canned juice, dehydrated soups, canned tuna and vegetables, salt and pepper, non-thirst inducing energy bars, nuts and candy. Peanut butter is good choice (high-calorie treat with a long shelf life). You may also want to pick up some freeze-dried meals from your local camping supply shop. If you have infants or pets, pack some food for them as well. Oh yeah, if you pack canned food, you may want to pack a hand operated can opener (my kingdom for a can opener!).
• Clothes: Pack a full change of clothes for each person in your family. Include warm outer layers (wool or synthetic) and sturdy shoes.
• Plastic Sheeting: Fiber-reinforced, laminated polyethylene film, 0.006 inches thick (e.g. purchase 1,200 square feet of Dura Skrim DS2 for approximately $100.00). You can also pack a tarp (great for covering broken windows, roofs, etc).
• Zip Ties: Handy when you have to make splints, compression bandages, or tourniquets.
• Flashlight: Wired Magazine recommends the Inova X5 (a water-resistant, aircraft-grade anodized aluminum flashlight that uses LEDs). Of course, it is not necessary. Your run of the mill flashlight will do fine. Make sure you pack the spare batteries.
• Protective Wear: Waterproof and cut-resistant Kevlar gloves and N95 face masks.
• Tools: A good crowbar, an adjustable wrench, screwdrivers, a staple gun, rope (110 feet of parachute cord), and a knife.
• Waterproof/Windproof Matches: You probably won’t want to spend time rubbing two sticks together. Store your matches in a Ziploc bag. In another bag, pack away some dryer lint for kindling.

A Go Pack
The Go Pack is for those times when you and your family need to leave in a hurry. The Red Cross sells a 3-day pack for $49.95. Of course, you can make your own. Pack the items below in a sturdy back pack that's readily accessible. One bag per family member.

Here's what you will need:

• Food: The essentials. Think…sports nutrition, candy bars, nuts, and trail mix. Include a bottle of water too.
• Clothes: Pack a change of clothes in a waterproof bag. Include a hat, sun glasses, and spare eye-glasses (if available). Toss in a few basic toiletries (e.g. toothbrush, toilet paper, feminine products, etc). You may also want to include a poncho or some other kind of easily packed rain gear.
• Radio: A cheap transistor set with batteries is fine. However, you can spend a bit more and get something that will tune in TV and NOAA bands and can be charged by turning a hand crank. Wired Magazine recommends the Eton Grundig FR300. It has a cell phone charging jack and built-in flashlight.
• Cash: Chances are that the ATM machines won’t be working in the event of a catastrophic disaster, and if the power is out, you won’t be able to swipe a credit card. Pack away $500 in small bills.
• Important Documents: You never know what paperwork you are going to need. Copy the following documents and pack them away: your home insurance policy, contact numbers, medical insurance card, passport, driver's license, bank records, and photos of family members. Include a local map and spare keys as well. For insurance purposes, you may want to pack a CD with pictures of some of the more expensive items in your home (include captions with serial numbers, date you purchased the item and the approximate value).
• Mylar space blanket: These compact blankets keep you warm and reflect damaging sun rays.
• Essential Medicines: Prescription medicines, plus sunblock and ibuprofen or acetaminophen. Restock every 12 months to keep fresh.
• Duct tape: You can do a lot of things with a roll of duct tape.
• Signal Devices: Roadside flares will work just fine. Wired Magazine recommends the Greatland Laser's Rescue Laser Flare (two AA batteries provide 72 hours of 20-mile-visible brightness) and the Fox 40 whistle (115 dB).
• Multitool: I picked a couple of these up at my local government surplus shop ($1 each). Make sure it has a can opener, a good knife blade, and both Phillips and flat-head screwdrivers.
• Pen & Paper: Chances are you are going to need to write something down. You can’t ever find a pen and paper when you really need one, so pack them with you.
• Hand Wound Watch or Clock: I think you understand the need for this.

These are just some suggestions to get you started. There are other pieces to creating a family disaster plan that I did not mention. I have started working on my plan (there's plenty to do). I encourage you to do the same. It's one of those things that you want to do before you need it.

The following sites provided the information for this article. Check them out if you want to read more about family disaster plans.

Adventure Sports Online – Disaster Preparedness Checklist
American Red Cross – Family Disaster Planning Guide
Ready.gov
Wired Magazine – The Smarter Emergency Kit Article

I'm The Proudest Father Alive!

Let's face it. When it comes to sports figures and the shout out, fathers get a bum deal. Very rarely do we hear, "Hi, DAD!" It's usually mom who gets the honor of the five seconds of television notoriety. Of course, it is often dad (or some other father-figure) who invested the time and effort in helping his child to nurture her/his athletic ability. Some would say that fathers do this as a means to cater to their own ego or unfulfilled fantasies. That may be true...for some fathers. I believe that most fathers see an opportunity to teach their children the value of hard work, discipline, persistence, perseverance, and belief in self. This, in my opinion, is one of the finest examples of a father's love and support of his child. The following article was sent to me by my father and exemplifies this idea.

94: Derek and dad finish Olympic 400 together

Rick Weinberg
Special to ESPN.com

Unlike Carl Lewis and Daley Thompson, Derek Redmond is not a name that conjures up memories of Olympic gold medals. But it is Redmond who defines the essence of the human spirit.

Redmond arrived at the 1992 Olympic Summer Games in Barcelona determined to win a medal in the 400. The color of the medal was meaningless; he just wanted to win one. Just one.

He had been forced to withdraw from the 400 at the 1988 Games in Seoul, only 10 minutes before the race, because of an Achilles tendon injury. He then underwent five surgeries over the next year. This was the same runner who had shattered the British 400-meter record at age 19. So when the 1992 Games arrived, this was his time, his moment, his stage, to show the world how good he was and who he was.

Derek's father Jim had accompanied him to Barcelona, just as he did for all world competitions. They were as close as a father and son could be. Inseparable, really. The best of friends. When Derek ran, it was as if his father were running right next to him.

To read the rest of the article, click here.

$160,000 For College...Are You Kiddin' Me?!

$40,000 a year! That's how much my cousin is paying for his son to go to college each year. Let's go ahead and run the numbers on this. Four years of college at $40,000 a year is $160,000 to send one child to college. Remember, that 160K only covers tuition, room and board. You haven't bought books, a computer, or the numerous other items required for your son or daughter to earn a college degree. According to collegeboard.com, the average annual cost is $22,218 for a 4-year private college (up 5.9% from last year) and $5,836 four-year public college (up 6.3% from last year). If you want to read more about trends in college pricing, check out the College Board's Trends in College Pricing.

Now, I am going to make a couple of bold assumptions here:

1. You (like me) are not independently wealthy. That means you probably don't have $160,000 laying around the house anywhere.
   
2. You (like me) want your son or daughter to go to good college.
   
3. You (like me) don't want to have to mortgage your life away to do or burden your child with thousands of dollars in student loans.
4. You (like me) are thinking, "How in the world am I going to put my child (or children) through college?"

My answer to the question in number four was simple: start saving the money now! Right now, I've got time on my side (17 years to be exact). If you are in the same boat (you've got some time before the college bills start coming), here are some couple of good college saving ideas, that my research turned up.

529 Plans
529 plans are college saving plans that allow you, a relative or a friend to put money away for your child's college education. The money invested in the plan grows tax free until your child enters college. At that point, the money can be spent tax free on the child's tuition, books and fees. Let's say your child gets a full scholarship and doesn't need that money. In that case, the money in your 529 plan can be transferred to another family member and still be spent tax free. Any money invested in the plan is placed in a pool much like a mutual fund, so your money (potentially) earns interest while sitting in the plan. You can't be that! My contributions to my son's plan come right out of my paycheck each month, so I don't even miss the money. If you want to read more about the 529 plans, try these links:

• Clark Howard's 529 Guide
• SavingforCollege.com: Intro to 529s

UPromise
In addition to the 529 plan, I also opened a UPromise account for my son. What is UPromise? Basically, it is a free service that helps families earn extra money for education. UPromise has partnered with companies and businesses across the country. Anytime a UPromise member uses one of these companies or their products, they are rewarded with dollars and cents in their UPromise account. The partners are everywhere: grocery stores, restaurants, credit cards, etc. The money that you accumulate in your UPromise account can be used for college expenses. Once again, with something like this, the earlier you get an account...the better you do. Oh yeah...family and friends can also sign up for UPromise and earn rewards for your son or daughter. Didn't you know...college saving is a family affair!

These are just a couple of options for folks that have some time to save. If you are up against a the college tuition wall, here are a couple of sites you might want to check out:

• CollegeBoard.com: Scholarship Search
• FastWeb
• FinAid
  
• ScholarshipCoach.com

I hope this helps out. If you have other ideas or know some other resources for money (preferably free money), please share them with the other fathers here. Believe me, we need all the help we can get. Education may be the key...but it certainly ain't cheap!

According to Parenting.com...

Outsmart Your Toddler: 5 tricks for getting yours to do what you want

1. Act like an idiot

"Even the most defiant toddler will take pity on us if we seem like total incompetents."

Great advice Parenting.com! So should we drool and dig in our butts, or just babble and eat boogers? And as we lead them, by example, into stupidity, how should we convince them that we know what we are talking about when we say "Don't stick the fork in the electrical outlet!", "Don't run in the street!" "Don't play in the toilet!" Whoever wrote this needs a vasectomy, and a daily spanking, damnit.